A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you are stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, madam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" OOh

Teacher & Student Jokes, etc:

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!! />TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!


TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.


TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.


TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.


TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Another Teacher & Student Joke:

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!


Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"

# Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !

# Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !

# Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !


# Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !

# Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !

# Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

# Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.

# Teacher: and what is "don't" short for
Pupil: Doughnut !

# Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !

# Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

# Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !

# Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.


MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."


SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."


MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want
to go to school."


SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."


MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."


SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"


MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

Teaching Baldrick Mathematics

@ your first joke in this thread, srtools